It is way past my bedtime. Yet, here I sit lost in the whim of my thoughts. They take me far sometimes, then at other times there are still. I'm stuck in the same dawn. Overlooking the the colors in the same pattern as they always been. Even so, they're still just as beautiful as the very first time.
There's many decisions that I need to make that will better benefit my family. I know some of the challenges I face ahead may be goodbyes. I can't hold myself accountable to ensure that everyone around me is happy and taken care of. I'm simply not a super hero even though I like the cape and I feel that I can put the weight of the world on my shoulders. The simple truth is I cannot. I'm merely human and I can only do so much before I begin to crumble. I need to face that sometimes being adult means making hard choices but knowing it is for the best and your life will carry on in the direction that its meant to be.
Adulthood sucks. Can I turn back time? No? well....that really does suck.
I feel like I'm failing at everything....all the time. I've come a great ways in life, it may be at a slow pace but I'll get to where I need to be. It's just this middle chapter that I struggle through. I pep talk myself and I'll really start feeling great! I got this! Just takes hard work and time. Then the night hits and the chaos that makes up my day suddenly goes silence. and the world just feels a bit more lonely. Its where those thoughts creep on me. Whispering all the self evident fears that nag at me until its hard to sleep, and hard to even begin to fill my head with anything else. I'm awake and I'm in a dream where everything is going backwards when I'm trying to move forward. The overwhelming derailment of not being who I was meant to be, or never know who I am or who Im suppose to be, am I already here? What if I missed my turn? Where am I now? is this forever? what is this is only today?
Who am I? Who are you?
Sing to me sweet morning dove, out the summer window you sing proudly against the new sky. How I long to fly.
I'm vindicated in the selfish flee of choices
as I no longer justify the danger in moving on
The places that travel under go by in a dust covered album
The sweet morning dove where ever I go will sing her song
I'll be reminded of my darling home
Its a memory that dances with the blades of grass in the rain
It's a hope that whispers where ever I roam
4 years from now the world we know it, will change
Off the beaten path we emerge into new people
Inside we have bloomed but the faces will be the same
you cannot define me, I'm a journey through the wild
a fire that cannot be tamed.
Goodnight world, goodnight no one? I can't imagine anyone sitting through this entire blog. I'm actually quite boring. I hope your day is filled with a journey you've never been on before. With the ability to learn something new, and most importantly filled with Love. In the wise words of the Beatles. All you need is love....isn't that exactly what we all need. LOVE.
Sing to me sweet morning dove.
