The older I get, the more and more I start appreciate the concept of home, and the love I have within family and friends.
I'm not even old yet, and I sometimes feel that I should be living younger. I've never been the one to enjoy the bars, or drinking, or the party scene.
I'm not sorry that I missed out on that life. I'm not sorry that I spent the majority of my twenties laughing under a shelter of trees in a park with friends. Enjoying the breeze through the window with loud music cruising through the country side. I made memories that will leave a lasting imprint on my heart and not on my liver.
I lived greater and in a depth that many people will never get a taste off. Sometimes you don't see how much has happened or how much as changed until you sit back many many years from that. Then you see the treasure of it all, the love in every memory, and the joy the memories still bring to you. The summers that still make you smile and feel young when you think back. I lived, oh I did, and I still am.
At the end of the day, I can't wait to get home. To be in the place that makes me feel safe and warm, with the people I love. I can't wait for summer Sundays, and have picnics with my mom, dad, sister, brother, Erik, and Jack.
There's no other way I'd rather spend then at home. Around my people, with a good book, or writing. I appreciate the simple things about it all.
My memories are vomit covered mornings with a throbbing head, but waking up still laughing and missing the days of the old.
These are my walls. and I love them. It doesn't matter if you live in a castle, a cottage, a flat, a house, an apartment, or a shack. Walls can become yours. Life doesn't move around where you live but how you live. Sometimes I forget that and I become hard on myself, but I'm slowly growing to understand. I'm slowly gaining a perspective that is altering the way I see life. I'm liking the way everything is unfolding. It's freezing rain, so its a good excuse to have some tea and family time. Jack is learning so much. I look at him amazed that he can do all of these things. How much he has picked up on. Its hard to see him so grown when he was just this little helpless thing.
It all goes by so fast. My heart is truly can't handle it. I wish I could keep him this way forever. How do parents cope with their children growing.
It's such a responsibility trying to make sure you're doing everything you can to not only teach them all they need to know, to teach them to grow, but to be a good person on top of it. I hope when I leave this world, Jack will hold onto my words, and feel my love on a rainy day, in the breeze, in the stars.
Life hurts to live, its painful and bittersweet, but so beautiful. So surreal. Sometimes it all feels like a long dream that I'm begging to never wake up from. I just want to live in this love
Well, my husband keeps coming into the room and interrupting me and that drives me nuts so I'll end this year.
Happy Rainy Saturday. Love each other and smile at every chance
until the sun burns out.
Saturday, February 24, 2018
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Florida.
I needed a few days to truly digest the horrible, horrible circumstances that happened in Florida. I can't even begin to imagine the fear in those students, the wonder if they would ever see the sky again, see their family and friends, or lay their heads in their beds again. To be in the hands of someone else has to be the most surreal experience. To wait, to sit and wait while hearing gun shots growing nearer, and hearing those blood chilling screams of your peers echo through the halls. I simply cannot imagine the haunting flashes that live with each and every student that had to experience that day.
My thoughts and love and prayers go to every single person affected in that tragic moment. I know it doesn't do much to change the world but it's what I have now.
I also feel sorry for the shooter, before you get butt hurt hear me out. I feel sad, that this young man thought that was a good idea. That hurting people would somehow make him feel better. Think about how rotten he must of felt, or the pain from suffering from mental illness. Whatever ailed him, had gotten to the point where hurting others was the best though the had. To think of how dark and sad his mind and heart had been, its sad that anyone has to live like that. I hope he gets the punishment he deserves, and I hope he lives with the guilt and memories of that day until his very own last day. I also hope that the darkness that dwells inside turns to light and he can somehow find a way to shed good into the world before he leaves.
No matter how strict you make gun laws, there will be people who won't follow the law. People will still get their hands on guns. You're yelling over nothing. There are other issues that can be address to try to change the amount of shootings that are happening, especially in schools. I know some people don't follow the law, weird right?
There needs to be more resources available and affordable for people who suffer from mental illness. Make medical attention accessible for everyone. Even with insurance seeking professional medical help is outrageously expensive. How are people suppose to get to help if they can't afford it, able to get to it. How?! We are failing as a country. We need to DO MORE to help people instead of making laws that people will just go around anyways.
In school, the amount of bullying is heartbreaking. What's more heartbreaking is the lack of effort made by schools to control the bullying. REACH OUT! you job in a school it so help those students. I don't care if you have given every effort you possibly can for that school, you reach out harder to make sure that every student is heard. My son is 1 so thankfully I haven't had to deal with bullying or school yet. I value education more than anything but I don't value these school systems. I want to home school but that's something my husband and I will discuss later down the road. These teachers forget that they have more than just a job, they have a responsibility and such an important role in these children's life. Do more to end bullying. When you say you'll take care of an issue, actually take care of it. I know the schools in my town could use a lot of work in making the school safe and comfortable for everyone. The amount of bullying and how far it exceeds in inappropriate behavior is beyond concerning.
Parents listen to your kids, talk to them... it may not change what could happen ,but you never know. Everyone deserves to be heard. Let's promote love.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified to send Jack to school one day. How will I know he will be safe? How do I know the school will do their part. We just don't.
My heart is sad, and afraid. Will it ever get better?
I still remember being 9 years old and watching NickNews (News channel for children on Nickelodeon.) I remember watching about the Columbine Shooting. I was only 8 when it happened and all I could remember is not understanding why. Those things never happened and probably would never happen. I was wrong, so entirely wrong, but I'm still not understanding why. 2 months after Erik and I got married. We got up early and got dressed to head to Madison to do some shopping for Christmas. The news stopped us as we watched the news on Sandy Hook. We didn't have children then but I remember both us tearing up. How awful, how terrible, how and why? I still tear up when I think about Sandy Hook. Florida, 17 people who will never see another tomorrow, listen to the radio on their way home, hug their loved ones, feel the sun, go the beach, so many things that make up life they will never get to do.
You just never know when you'll leave this Earth.
My thoughts and love and prayers go to every single person affected in that tragic moment. I know it doesn't do much to change the world but it's what I have now.
I also feel sorry for the shooter, before you get butt hurt hear me out. I feel sad, that this young man thought that was a good idea. That hurting people would somehow make him feel better. Think about how rotten he must of felt, or the pain from suffering from mental illness. Whatever ailed him, had gotten to the point where hurting others was the best though the had. To think of how dark and sad his mind and heart had been, its sad that anyone has to live like that. I hope he gets the punishment he deserves, and I hope he lives with the guilt and memories of that day until his very own last day. I also hope that the darkness that dwells inside turns to light and he can somehow find a way to shed good into the world before he leaves.
No matter how strict you make gun laws, there will be people who won't follow the law. People will still get their hands on guns. You're yelling over nothing. There are other issues that can be address to try to change the amount of shootings that are happening, especially in schools. I know some people don't follow the law, weird right?
There needs to be more resources available and affordable for people who suffer from mental illness. Make medical attention accessible for everyone. Even with insurance seeking professional medical help is outrageously expensive. How are people suppose to get to help if they can't afford it, able to get to it. How?! We are failing as a country. We need to DO MORE to help people instead of making laws that people will just go around anyways.
In school, the amount of bullying is heartbreaking. What's more heartbreaking is the lack of effort made by schools to control the bullying. REACH OUT! you job in a school it so help those students. I don't care if you have given every effort you possibly can for that school, you reach out harder to make sure that every student is heard. My son is 1 so thankfully I haven't had to deal with bullying or school yet. I value education more than anything but I don't value these school systems. I want to home school but that's something my husband and I will discuss later down the road. These teachers forget that they have more than just a job, they have a responsibility and such an important role in these children's life. Do more to end bullying. When you say you'll take care of an issue, actually take care of it. I know the schools in my town could use a lot of work in making the school safe and comfortable for everyone. The amount of bullying and how far it exceeds in inappropriate behavior is beyond concerning.
Parents listen to your kids, talk to them... it may not change what could happen ,but you never know. Everyone deserves to be heard. Let's promote love.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified to send Jack to school one day. How will I know he will be safe? How do I know the school will do their part. We just don't.
My heart is sad, and afraid. Will it ever get better?
I still remember being 9 years old and watching NickNews (News channel for children on Nickelodeon.) I remember watching about the Columbine Shooting. I was only 8 when it happened and all I could remember is not understanding why. Those things never happened and probably would never happen. I was wrong, so entirely wrong, but I'm still not understanding why. 2 months after Erik and I got married. We got up early and got dressed to head to Madison to do some shopping for Christmas. The news stopped us as we watched the news on Sandy Hook. We didn't have children then but I remember both us tearing up. How awful, how terrible, how and why? I still tear up when I think about Sandy Hook. Florida, 17 people who will never see another tomorrow, listen to the radio on their way home, hug their loved ones, feel the sun, go the beach, so many things that make up life they will never get to do.
You just never know when you'll leave this Earth.
Sunday, February 11, 2018
Thankful.
Sometimes, It takes looking through the looking glass of someone else life to make you realize how amazing you have it.
Seeing, and trying to gain a perspective in the eyes of another can be difficult. The really cool thing about being human is our minds. They're all so different and captivate so many different ideals and views. There's no lines and limits to how different we all from each other.....
Yet, sometimes we fight the same battles. Life happens to all of our. Every single one of us steps into battles with different fighting strategies,different perspectives on how to make in through in one piece. Do we every come out in one piece though? Well, we sure do try like hell anyways.
Today, as my husband and son nap before we head out to see our family, and I realize I'm beyond blessed to say my husband, and my son. I was strolling through the dimensions of the web and social medias. I glanced into a life of a person I know, and my heart went into this somber ache.
Through what I viewed, I felt the pain that conquers over her, the stain of heartbreak that only floods into everything she touches, and dreams of. I felt the struggle, the tears, and screams.
I hear you.
And, I'm sorry that this life couldn't be kinder to you, couldn't give you a better chance. But, even so....I'm still rooting for you.
I don't know this person well enough to reach out, even though I've known then since middle school if not longer. Strange how that is isn't? Knowing so many people, but know nothing about them other than the sneak peaks they allow us to take in through social media....Sometimes you can know so many intimate things about a person and never have met them. You see, how our culture works is so peculiar and backwards.
As I sit here, trying to shake off the cloud of darkness that has broke itself into my home, I can't help but continue to think for this person. Wishing that that light and love would enter their home and help them. It had encouraged me to be more thankful, and to consider other perspectives.
I have so much in my life that I sometimes take for granted and, I feel most of us do. It doesn't make us shitty humans but that's just it. We're human. We are built on flaws. We create more flaws, it just what we do.
I'm incredibly lucky to be able to call myself a mother. I felt my son grow inside of me. I felt him move and kick. I knew he was safe and healthy. Now, I can hold him in my arms, kiss his sweet face and tickle his tiny toes.
Not every woman gets to feel that, experience that. It's heartbreaking. Women who want so desperately to be mothers and never get that chance, while women who make terrible mothers pop them out like a gumball machine, its not fair.
I'm so thankful that I have this beautiful boy in my life. The time is going by so quickly that I often spend too much time worrying about how fast its going, and how much I'll miss these days rather than enjoying it. What sense does that make!? Why can't I ever make sense? Simple answer of course, because I'm human and we aren't programmed to make sense.
Today when I play with Jack and love him to the moon and around the planets a million times and back, I'll be even more grateful that I was given the chance at motherhood. To feel that love of this tiny person that literally makes you forget to breathe. The love so powerful it can stop your heart entirely. The greatest and more tender love it melts me body and soul. Not only will I take in every beating minute with gratitude and patience, but I will appreciate it.
Not only was I blessed at motherhood, but to have such an inspiring, clever, loving, sweet, and beautiful boy, well how did I ever get so lucky.
Will I have more children???? I sure hope so. But its is guaranteed? Our bodies are a wondrous thing, and tend to make up their own ways. I do pray to whatever great spirits or gods live in the heavens that we are able to add more to our family but I've been blessed so much already it almost wouldn't seem fair to hog another blessing. Here's to more love, and life, and the people that make us want to wake up every morning. Here's to taking a moment of your time and trying to see the life of another through their eyes, here's to more Wineke babies someday or maybe not. Here's to you and me and this beautiful Sunday.
Live Freely friends,
Jenny
Seeing, and trying to gain a perspective in the eyes of another can be difficult. The really cool thing about being human is our minds. They're all so different and captivate so many different ideals and views. There's no lines and limits to how different we all from each other.....
Yet, sometimes we fight the same battles. Life happens to all of our. Every single one of us steps into battles with different fighting strategies,different perspectives on how to make in through in one piece. Do we every come out in one piece though? Well, we sure do try like hell anyways.
Today, as my husband and son nap before we head out to see our family, and I realize I'm beyond blessed to say my husband, and my son. I was strolling through the dimensions of the web and social medias. I glanced into a life of a person I know, and my heart went into this somber ache.
Through what I viewed, I felt the pain that conquers over her, the stain of heartbreak that only floods into everything she touches, and dreams of. I felt the struggle, the tears, and screams.
I hear you.
And, I'm sorry that this life couldn't be kinder to you, couldn't give you a better chance. But, even so....I'm still rooting for you.
I don't know this person well enough to reach out, even though I've known then since middle school if not longer. Strange how that is isn't? Knowing so many people, but know nothing about them other than the sneak peaks they allow us to take in through social media....Sometimes you can know so many intimate things about a person and never have met them. You see, how our culture works is so peculiar and backwards.
As I sit here, trying to shake off the cloud of darkness that has broke itself into my home, I can't help but continue to think for this person. Wishing that that light and love would enter their home and help them. It had encouraged me to be more thankful, and to consider other perspectives.
I have so much in my life that I sometimes take for granted and, I feel most of us do. It doesn't make us shitty humans but that's just it. We're human. We are built on flaws. We create more flaws, it just what we do.
I'm incredibly lucky to be able to call myself a mother. I felt my son grow inside of me. I felt him move and kick. I knew he was safe and healthy. Now, I can hold him in my arms, kiss his sweet face and tickle his tiny toes.
Not every woman gets to feel that, experience that. It's heartbreaking. Women who want so desperately to be mothers and never get that chance, while women who make terrible mothers pop them out like a gumball machine, its not fair.
I'm so thankful that I have this beautiful boy in my life. The time is going by so quickly that I often spend too much time worrying about how fast its going, and how much I'll miss these days rather than enjoying it. What sense does that make!? Why can't I ever make sense? Simple answer of course, because I'm human and we aren't programmed to make sense.
Today when I play with Jack and love him to the moon and around the planets a million times and back, I'll be even more grateful that I was given the chance at motherhood. To feel that love of this tiny person that literally makes you forget to breathe. The love so powerful it can stop your heart entirely. The greatest and more tender love it melts me body and soul. Not only will I take in every beating minute with gratitude and patience, but I will appreciate it.
Not only was I blessed at motherhood, but to have such an inspiring, clever, loving, sweet, and beautiful boy, well how did I ever get so lucky.
Will I have more children???? I sure hope so. But its is guaranteed? Our bodies are a wondrous thing, and tend to make up their own ways. I do pray to whatever great spirits or gods live in the heavens that we are able to add more to our family but I've been blessed so much already it almost wouldn't seem fair to hog another blessing. Here's to more love, and life, and the people that make us want to wake up every morning. Here's to taking a moment of your time and trying to see the life of another through their eyes, here's to more Wineke babies someday or maybe not. Here's to you and me and this beautiful Sunday.
Live Freely friends,
Jenny
Friday, February 9, 2018
Wild flame, calm night.
I love when the sky is dark. The shades of royal blue blending in the sky, as the slight hue of gold and orange peak from the undertones as the sun sings us its lullaby. How sweetly peaceful the world happens to be at dusk. The birds settle, traffic gets less obnoxious, and families all gathered together in the warmth and love of their homes. Well, those fortunate enough to have a home that is.
Sometimes, when I'm enjoying my few moments of silence...embracing my life and loving the way it flows together, I worry about all those who are less fortunate than I. So here I say, I hope those who are cold, find warmth. Those who are hungry, find food, and those who are thirsty, find water. Which brings me to the phantom thoughts that silently haunt me. Not too loud to distract me from my life, but once in a while poke through loud enough to cause me to lose my footing.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm not working enough, I'm not cleaning enough, writing enough, doing anything enough. All that consumes me, it trying to create this perfect life for Jack. It dwells deep into my soul the worry of not giving him all that I feel he deserves.
I don't own a house, all I want is for him to have a place that is home. That he can crawl at bed at night one and feel safe, and loved. Then I realize....he already has that. Sure, one day we will move into a house that is ours, but why teach my son that materials or places define happiness, comfort, and love. Love is where your heart is, where you feel love, where you know you are safe. In this home we already have all of those things. I'm not financial stable. I don't have tens of thousands in the bank, but my bills are paid, there's food in my kitchen, electricity, running water, and love. What else do I really need? I may not be where I thought I was going to be, or where other people my age are...but, I'm learning I'm right where I need to be. And where I am,isn't where I'll be forever. That's the great thing about life.
It's unpredictable, and always changing.
Life keeps going even when you feel you need to sit a minute and take a break. Someday I'll be farther along. As long as I have my family, my few good friends, love in my heart passion in my blood and dreams in my mind. I'm exactly where I need to be. Where I want to be.
I'm too hard on myself. The pressure I put on myself is outrageous. The only person I'm trying to race or beat is truly myself. Why do I continue to rush myself, life is beautiful and if waste too much time trying to catch up to everyone else, well I'll be missing on the moments that will make up the most precious and amazing aspects of life.
I may not have my shit together, but how interesting would I be if I did? Probably not even a tad bit. Struggle, keeps things interesting.
So if you're struggling, and things are getting bit to heavy for you to dwell with, getting hard to sleep at night. Just smile and know you're not alone, and no matter what life throws at you, you're loved, and you matter.
YOU MATTER.
The night sky has completely conquered the light. It's beautiful in the mysterious black velvet that sweeps over the sky. Soon little diamonds will glittered the sky, dreamers will make wishes, and desperate hearts will make deals. There's beauty in darkness, sometimes its hard to remember. My little town is quiet as people end their days. Or maybe some just getting read to venture out. All the same. The silence is calming, yet again silence can be too loud as well.
I'm excited to spend some time working on my book this evening. I'm thankful that I found something that fuels my passion. I hope you find your passion.
Whatever your passion is...unless its killing people or animals, don't do that.
Much love, love to you, Jenny
Latest poetry
Carry on-
Sometimes I forget to keep my eye on the ball
Sometimes I lose my balance and I fall
It's not about the drop how hard you hit the ground
Sometimes, I forget that I can, and I will
It's not hard if you let it all
Carry on
Keep your back straight
Head held up high
young dreamer with their head in the sky
Keep your heart light
Keep your grip tight
Young dreamer with their head in the sky
Once in a while I forget who Iam
Where I'm going, or where I've been
but I always remember the way the sky looked
I always remember the way the sky looked.
Sometimes, when I'm enjoying my few moments of silence...embracing my life and loving the way it flows together, I worry about all those who are less fortunate than I. So here I say, I hope those who are cold, find warmth. Those who are hungry, find food, and those who are thirsty, find water. Which brings me to the phantom thoughts that silently haunt me. Not too loud to distract me from my life, but once in a while poke through loud enough to cause me to lose my footing.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm not working enough, I'm not cleaning enough, writing enough, doing anything enough. All that consumes me, it trying to create this perfect life for Jack. It dwells deep into my soul the worry of not giving him all that I feel he deserves.
I don't own a house, all I want is for him to have a place that is home. That he can crawl at bed at night one and feel safe, and loved. Then I realize....he already has that. Sure, one day we will move into a house that is ours, but why teach my son that materials or places define happiness, comfort, and love. Love is where your heart is, where you feel love, where you know you are safe. In this home we already have all of those things. I'm not financial stable. I don't have tens of thousands in the bank, but my bills are paid, there's food in my kitchen, electricity, running water, and love. What else do I really need? I may not be where I thought I was going to be, or where other people my age are...but, I'm learning I'm right where I need to be. And where I am,isn't where I'll be forever. That's the great thing about life.
It's unpredictable, and always changing.
Life keeps going even when you feel you need to sit a minute and take a break. Someday I'll be farther along. As long as I have my family, my few good friends, love in my heart passion in my blood and dreams in my mind. I'm exactly where I need to be. Where I want to be.
I'm too hard on myself. The pressure I put on myself is outrageous. The only person I'm trying to race or beat is truly myself. Why do I continue to rush myself, life is beautiful and if waste too much time trying to catch up to everyone else, well I'll be missing on the moments that will make up the most precious and amazing aspects of life.
I may not have my shit together, but how interesting would I be if I did? Probably not even a tad bit. Struggle, keeps things interesting.
So if you're struggling, and things are getting bit to heavy for you to dwell with, getting hard to sleep at night. Just smile and know you're not alone, and no matter what life throws at you, you're loved, and you matter.
YOU MATTER.
The night sky has completely conquered the light. It's beautiful in the mysterious black velvet that sweeps over the sky. Soon little diamonds will glittered the sky, dreamers will make wishes, and desperate hearts will make deals. There's beauty in darkness, sometimes its hard to remember. My little town is quiet as people end their days. Or maybe some just getting read to venture out. All the same. The silence is calming, yet again silence can be too loud as well.
I'm excited to spend some time working on my book this evening. I'm thankful that I found something that fuels my passion. I hope you find your passion.
Whatever your passion is...unless its killing people or animals, don't do that.
Much love, love to you, Jenny
Latest poetry
Carry on-
Sometimes I forget to keep my eye on the ball
Sometimes I lose my balance and I fall
It's not about the drop how hard you hit the ground
Sometimes, I forget that I can, and I will
It's not hard if you let it all
Carry on
Keep your back straight
Head held up high
young dreamer with their head in the sky
Keep your heart light
Keep your grip tight
Young dreamer with their head in the sky
Once in a while I forget who Iam
Where I'm going, or where I've been
but I always remember the way the sky looked
I always remember the way the sky looked.
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