Just another one of those days where I'm overthinking everything.
As I sat down to eat lunch with Jack, listening to some beautiful Irish music, and the steady hum of the washing machine rumbling in the laundry closet....I enjoyed the solitude that that the hour gave me.
Watching Jack enjoy his white cheddar covered shells and peas as I enjoyed the same, I thought about our upcoming Culture night. We picked Ireland for St. Patrick's day. Thinking of the corned beef and cabbage and red potatoes, trying to think of what side and dessert that would be fun to make to go along it. Excited about the books I have to share with those coming, of fun facts, fun wit and wisdom, and classic fairytales we could read to the kids as the evening will settle down for the night.
I got to thinking of all the people I've come to meet in my life. Whether it was for a split second, a quick smile as we passed one another in the market, people I know quite well, or people I've known my entire life but truly don't know.
I'm always thinking about what I can do to make the world a better place, where can I stare, how can I succeed. I think of all the things people can miss out on, on the things that I can miss out on. All of these deep thoughts swirling in my brain causing an ache in my heart. A sadness that consumes me.
I look at my son, my beautiful sweet boy. I can start with him. I can play my role as a mother and do all that I can to make sure I bring into this world a human that has love and kindness in his heart. I will teach him to project the love and passionate stems of him soul and give it to the world. It's not always what I can do to change the world, but what I can teach to help change the world.
To my son, My sweet amazing beautiful boy.
This world isn't always black and white. In fact there are more shades of grey than you'll be able to see more you'll be able to understand. Don't waste time or energy trying to get to the bottom of it all. Some things in life aren't meant to be understood rather than to be accepted. I hope by the time you face these lines and shades I've raised you strong enough to determine what is meant to be investigated and what is meant to be accepted. I hope that by the time you come to a crossroad you feel I have given you enough courage to choose a path and whatever may come during that path you are able to take it on with love in your heart, wisdom in your brain and the courage and confidence in your soul to keep going and succeed. I hope I have shown you a love so great that you pass it on to others. Give love and kindness even to those who do not show you the same compassion, but even in your kindness you will fight and defend yourself to the greatest means that you are capable of. Never be a doormat for anyone. Know your worth, know yourself, and know when you are capable of better things. Respect Women, and Men. For we are equal and no gender is better than the other. Learn something new at every chance that you can. Grow as a person far after your body grows. Sing, keep a journal, draw. Allow the fire in your body and mind escape. You are strong, and greater than any mountain. You are brighter and more stunning than any reign of stars. You are the moon and you are the sun, and the sky is yours. I hope even long after I'm gone that you can still feel my love burning bright inside of you. You hear my words of encouragement and grace. Sweet boy your heart will break, you'll be exposed to things I wish I could shield you from. People will be kind to you, people will be cruel and I pray that at the end of it all you will know that you are better, and what people think of you will never EVER define you. It's how you see yourself that matters, its who YOU are and want to be that will define your legacy. Always remember you're kind and loved beyond all the greatest wonders of the world. To us, you are the greatest wonder in life.
It's hard to be consumed of thoughts, I'm grateful that my mind is always curious and deepening as I grow. Sometimes its exhausting to be consistently writing with my brain, and frustrating that I don't always carry a pen and paper with me to catch every single one of them. All that matters is that I'm carrying on and doing the best I can. Changing the world with the most powerful weapon...my ability to mother, and parent. What I brought into the world is so much bigger than my dreams of a writer, but its in the form of my parenting. I can teach my son to be so much better than myself and the people that pollute hate into this Earth. I pray that one day the world will be in a much better state, but honestly with the rate that we are going, its only going to get worse. I need to prepare my son to be strong and smart but also able to be loving and kind and bring that back into the world.
I wish I could bring back someone from a hundred years ago, and show them the state of our world now. Show them some of the brilliant inventions and discoveries that have been made, some of the extraordinary things that have happened, but to also show them how discrimination and prejudice is still quite alive and people are still fighting for rights. How hateful some people still are and make sure to point out how beautiful some are.
To you, person reading this, you may be here out of your own curious mind to see what I could possibly be writing about. Or maybe you're bored looking for something to waste a few minutes. Or perhaps...you're fighting some kind of battle, and feeling a little lost.
I see you, and just know it will get better. Somehow in some way it will all sort out and you'll be able to breathe, you'll be able to get back on that path you were meant to follow. Keep fighting a day at a time and eventually it will all get back on track. Even when you feel small, and invisible, just know I see you, and I'm rooting for you.
Live Freely, Jenny.
When the sun doesn't want to rise
and the darkness settles in for a longer visit
The pit of your stomach twists in knots
You want to keep moving, lord knows you've tried
Its hard to keep getting back up
after a hundred punches
It can be difficult to see pass the water in your eyes
when you've been laying in your own rut
The sun will never forget you
Soon the clouds will part
warmth will come back to you
and you'll flourish bravely in an empty meadow
It's you that everyone will see.
Weak and small
want to be left alone
just a little fly on the wall
Voice so tiny, you're barely a whisper
A tiny burden no more than a sliver
but you're wrong
I see you and you've been heard. .
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