There is so much going on in the world. So much going on within myself that I feel completely overwhelmed. I'm 30 years old, and I feel life has given more heaviness in the past 4 months than my entire life. Blow after blow after blow.
On top of losing great men in my life, I had an emergency surgery, that I'm completely recovered from but due to the bullshit in America's healthcare system I know I will be paying even more thousands of dollars for that surgery even though we thousands of dollars in insurance. Now, this pandemic that is spread across the globe.
The corona virus ( COVID-19) came in like a wrecking ball. It seem that if your are healthy you will fight it fine. But there are so many people in this world with issues that could really make it hard for them to fight this off. Stores are running low of supplies. It makes me anxious when we start running low of something because I'm not sure if there will be more when I need go get some. I hate being in public because so many people who don't care about others are about. I do not want my children to be impacted by this. It terrifies me. I often think that I will never get over this. I'm so much more aware than I before that I think of off the germs that we can touch in a day. We have no idea what we are touching just pumping gas! Its scary to me.
Instead of coming together we continue to be divided. We should be looking out for one another. Love is always brighter than hate. Looking out for one another. When did people become this way or has this always been the way it has been. As a child I feel I remember more unity. But I was nothing of a sweet girl and the innocence of childhood blocks darkness and evil in most circumstances.
Too often tears feel my cheeks as this weight just sits heavy on my shoulders. I'm sad. I'm worried. I'm confused. I think about everything too deeply and then I spin out of control and I'm lost in this state where everything feels like dream. What is real and what is not. Do we all just float until its our time to fade.
Will the world survive this pandemic? When you have an asshate of a president like America its terrifying to think he's making the call. To open everything up in 2 weeks with the cases continuing to double, triple with the light lock down that we have? ARE YOU INSANE. People only care about money.
I would never want to be rich. I only want enough to take care of some debt, buy a house and life comfortably. That's all. If I had way more than I knew what to do with I'd try to find something good. Something that could change the life of another. There is so much you can do to help. Pay for some school lunches. Pay of some hospital bills. Even student loans. Just helping in those little areas can create so much for a person to grow.
There are families who have nothing while some have more than they need. Yes, you get what you earn and I know way too many people who abuse the system but there are good hard working people who are hungry and that is not right. and those who choose not to work who sit and smoke their drugs in front of their kids all day who get the governments money just like that.
NOTHING make sense and we are sheep just allowing it to happen. I'm guilty of that too. I talk to my grandpas often. How I miss them so much. The sting of losing them still as strong as the day they left. The ache only growing worse. I want them here with me. I wish they would send me sign that there is a "life": after death....but...I'm not so sure anymore.
I hope this pandemic is clear soon. I want life back to normal even though normal is a word I greatly dislike.
Some peace is needed not only for myself but for the world.
Stay safe stay healthy everyone.
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