Way past my bedtime but nothing interesting to read.

Hello friends, enemies, stalkers, and my biggest fans. All welcomed to read another blog of the mind of well...me. Welcome Welcome. Take your shoes off and get comfortable. Stay awhile. 

It's a Tuesday night, and I guess in itself that's a pretty special thing. I mean when you think about it this will be the only Tuesday January 24, 2018 I'll ever have. That's something right.

                                                         It's all about perspective...I'm telling ya. 

I think I'm really starting to become the person that I was meant to be. Honestly, people spend too much of their days....lives trying to be who they want to be. Whether its nothing like the person who they are. For certain things its okay to try to change. Try to be nicer, or kinder, those sort of things you should always force yourself to do. Just for the peace of the world eh. People simple get so simulated by these trends and whatever may be cool on social media, that we often times lose ourselves to what and who we would like to be like. Somewhere in the realm of reality and the lives that we pretend to live we lost all conscious of who we are.

To me that's the saddest thing that could ever happen.

It's easy to do, days just blur together. You do the same thing day after day after day after day, Its hard. Life is hard. I get it, you get it. So let's just stop worrying about what new laundry product you want to eat, or what brand of fake eyelashes you want to stick up your nose, or what color you want to dye your armpit air. Just be you.

It's something that I have struggled with for most of my life. Always hiding who I am, but why? I could never exactly answer that but I knew that I just needed to try to be a fly on the wall to just get by. But for WHY? That's why...its time to stop. So far in the new year, the whole 23(almost 24) days I've been soul searching more that I ever have. Because I matter. I'm important. and I deserve to be seen, and heard. I'm not who I want to be, and that's okay. I don't need to be Adele, that role is taken and she's doing a pretty nice job of doing so. (you go girl) but  I'm being who I was meant to be. I'm learning my flaws learning my strengths. All good things and I know that one day I'll be glowing with confidence and nothing will be able to take that shine away. It's pretty possible to steal it now but hey I'm human, sometimes I just fall, and that's okay too.

I always knew that motherhood would change my life. I knew that my life would be more exhausting( I'm so tired...so so so tired.) Bottles, late nights, diapers, money that was spent on me goes to this little human. But, its so much more than that. Motherhood is rich with wisdom. Wisdom you never knew you had until it suddenly becomes this second nature. Motherhood taught me more about myself than anything before. Now, its not just about me. I can't just sit and allow myself to hide behind a mask or to think poorly of myself. I have to be an example. Motherhood is the stronger and most incredible muse that I have ever experience in all my life. My sweet boy is the greatest love that I've ever known. How did I get so lucky?

The world is full of spineless zombies who patrol the streets. Parading in their generic personalities by cutting throats with their sharp words and pistol ready judgments. By allowing them to have any effect we are handing over the power to them. Its time to stand up against those who pollute our world with hate and prejudice, let's love and spread the kindness. It's sad to me the amount of courage people have when they want to be cruel, why can't people have that courage when they want to be kind?
I'll be me and I'll go  into this world knowing I was honest with myself, and I allowed my soul to be free. What clarity it brings to me, to have a free soul.

O'Captian my Captain.
-Jenny.


Piece of poetry I'm making up as I go since I didn't prepare for this blog.


In the shadows of the desperate
Prepare the flowers and the casket
the last honest soldiers are buried tonight
and they fly into the velvet night
carrying the burden of the world
Enemies conquering at every turn
When will the darkness turn into the sun.
I've seen better days
Walking miles in all different ways
soles of my shoes worn bare
Heart so fragile oh so fair
too tender to stomach this disaster
the wind harbors too many secrets
discretely embodying  the lonely regrets
of the young and mindless who carry torches
following one another without any answer
before there's any questions
I'm floating in the breeze that takes me to any place
yet the white walls are caving in yet I know I'm safe
I feel it in my blood rushing through the pipe bring me home
walking on a tight rope don't look down.
The air is heavy, it burns my lungs.
Pressure in my head, I'm heavy
Pressure in my heart, It's heavy.
Breaking through the cage, my wings touch air.
I touch air.