Someday right?

Being an "adult" is hard, or so I think so. I'm  certainly at the age to be considered an adult. (If that isn't one of the scariest things in the world.) I don't feel like it. Most days, and I'm not exaggerating in the least, MOST days I feel like a seventeen year old. Still young with hardly any responsibility, prepping myself for what the "real" would be like. 

I was afraid. Of everything. The life that I had known for my entire span of life was ending, to be pushed into this world that I pretending to know a thing or two about. Guess what, I didn't have a clue, and I'm starting to think I still don't. But hey! that's okay. Not everyone in the world does. My guess is that most of the people you see walking along the streets, driving in their cars, or browsing the endless (but empty) aisles of Walmart don't have their entire lives put together. If they do? well excuse my language but fuck em. 

We're all just shells that carry souls that are looking for some kind of purpose, or even a sign letting us know that we're doing something right. That we're on the path we're suppose to be on. Right?
 I think too much and that's my biggest problem.....well okay, its not my biggest problem. It's still bothersome. I over analyze my life more than I should. If I'm thinking this correctly, I bet you do too. Hi, I'm Jenny and I'm awkward and think too much, Let's be friends. 

I'm 28 years old. That scared little seventeen year old existed eleven years ago. I can hardly believe that much time really passed. In that time I feel like I've done nothing with my life. I still don't own a home, I haven't started my career yet, I'm not rich or famous. What have I done? Those thoughts linger with me all the time. Forcing myself to try to think of plan to get it right. Every plan fails. Wanna know why? Life doesn't give a shit what you want. I've learned in my 28 years that you just try your best and just go with the flow. Do what you can with what you have NOW and worry about tomorrow when it arrives. Some tomorrows happen quickly, some take forever but regardless...they come.

In the eleven years I, got married. To a pretty decent guy. Just kidding. Erik is my number one fan. It's nice to know that the person you chose to spend your life with is one that you can share every dream and goal with. No matter how silly I think my dreams are, he's right there cheering me on. I graduated with my Bachelors. Dedicated four years to that and I interned twice during those years. I had a baby. The purpose of life Jack. I have a nice car. 
Not too shabby.

Just few more things on my list to feel accomplished in life, to buy a home which we're slowly working on, and working on my writing career. Happy New year!....only 4 days late.

I need to stop comparing life to a set of expectations and just live to my own beat. Someday will happen. If the only things in my life that I feel  I'm missing is a house and a writing career, then I say I'm doing pretty well for myself. Those things are in the future. With hard work, faith, and patience I know that it will all happen.

Last thoughts for the evening. I've wondered if I had access to knowing the future if I'd want to know. I have sat on their question for so long, doing my best to take into consideration of every pro and con that could be. For my own benefit and the benefit of others. I guess, as much as I'd like to know the future, I wouldn't look into the mystic crystal ball. It goes against the natural aspect of life. Let's all be surprised to how things work out. You just don't read the last page of the book and expect to understand and know the entire story. Life is the same. No shortcuts. 

Someday Jenny, Someday....until then....enjoy today.
















"Hold On" I wrote this in 2013 I believe. Sometimes its interesting to look back at my old writing. I always wondered what my inspiration or sometimes who, for that day was. Not everything is based on my life or my thoughts. I tend to get inspiration from the news or people, or anything. The world is my muse, thus I write. Enjoy. 



"Hold On" Just a little tighter hold on now Close your eyes and don't look down. a hazy view from way up here today we're going to run head on to all our fears. I'm tired of being afraid I'm tired of the crying I've tried many gods my knees tried of praying. I haven't heard a word I'm talking to a wall. I'm just angel without wings catch me as I fall. Hold on enjoy the air nothing in that world you know is fair that's just how the wind blows its always changing directions you know I remember a time I thought it all made sense as the years creeped up I don't know what it all meant. its tough fighting the demons disguised as hope Sins bleeding through the bricks faith intwined in rope Hold on its cold down there evil teases running wild in the air Up here I can feel the stars the night warm Hello Mister Moon thank you for taking the harm bruised old friend I'll hold on to the end the war has only just begun between love and hate fragile hearts so paper thin they break pieces glittered all over the fresh green grass I'll be saving you I'll give you my very last breath I'll take the hate bottle up all in me. To give your a heart a break from all that you see Hold on its a long way down We can run away and never turn around. listen to the meadow hum sweet lullabys until the sun decides to give us light Hold on its getting cold let's watch the world grow old.