Home Sweet Home

The older I get, the more and more I start appreciate the concept of home, and the love I have within family and friends. 

I'm not even old yet, and I sometimes feel that I should be living younger. I've never been the one to enjoy the bars, or drinking, or the party scene.
I'm not sorry that I missed out on that life. I'm not sorry that I spent the majority of my twenties laughing under a shelter of trees in a park with friends. Enjoying the breeze through the window with loud music cruising through the country side. I made memories that will leave a lasting imprint on my heart and not on my liver.

I lived greater and in a depth that many people will never get a taste off. Sometimes you don't see how much has happened or how much as changed until you sit back many many years from that. Then you see the treasure of it all, the love in every memory, and the joy the memories still bring to you. The summers that still make you smile and feel young when you think back. I lived, oh I did, and I still am. 

At the end of the day, I can't wait to get home. To be in the place that makes me feel safe and warm, with the people I love. I can't wait for summer Sundays, and have picnics with my mom, dad, sister, brother, Erik, and Jack. 

There's no other way I'd rather spend then at home. Around my people, with a good book, or writing. I appreciate the simple things about it all.

My memories are vomit covered mornings with a throbbing head, but waking up still laughing and missing the days of the old.

These are my walls. and I love them. It doesn't matter if you live in a castle, a cottage, a flat, a house, an apartment, or a shack. Walls can become yours. Life doesn't move around where you live  but how you live. Sometimes I forget that and I become hard on myself, but I'm slowly growing to understand. I'm slowly gaining a perspective that is altering the way I see life. I'm liking the way everything is unfolding. It's freezing rain, so its a good excuse to have some tea and family time. Jack is learning so much. I look at him amazed that he can do all of these things. How much he has picked up on. Its hard to see him so grown when he was just this little helpless thing. 

It all goes by so fast. My heart is truly can't handle it. I wish I could keep him this way forever. How do parents cope with their children growing. 
It's such a responsibility trying to make sure you're doing everything you can to not only teach them all they need to  know, to teach them to grow, but to be a good person on top of it. I hope when I leave this world, Jack will hold onto my words, and feel my love on a rainy day, in the breeze, in the stars.
Life hurts to live, its painful and bittersweet, but so beautiful. So surreal. Sometimes it all feels like a long dream that I'm begging to never wake up from. I just want to live in this love
Well, my husband keeps coming into the room and interrupting me and that drives me nuts so I'll end this year.
Happy Rainy Saturday. Love each other and smile at every chance




until the sun burns out.